Everything is moving right along, check-ups with the doctor have been normal and the boy is getting bigger. I have finally decided that I do have cravings, and that they are for sweet treats. Girl Scout Cookies are in season, and are helping to fulfill that need. In addition to eating like it’s a sport, I’ve added a weekly training session with my trainer and a once-a-week aerobic workout in the pool at my local YMCA (yes, with all the 80 year olds). I’m feeling pretty good, until I look into the mirror. I can’t believe the person that stares back at me. I’m not ashamed of the body that has taken over my former self, nor worried about that self coming back. It’s just extremely hard to imagine that I will grow even bigger in the next 10 weeks. I’ve seen plenty of pregnant women before, but nothing can prepare you for this!
I remember saying that “I can’t wait until I look pregnant”, and at the time, I really couldn’t. I remember feeling like seeing the tell-tale bump would make me more comfortable in my too-tight non-maternity clothing, and that it would tell the world (that was looking at me with judgement in their eyes), “look, I’m making a human in here!!” Of course peering back upon those early months, no one was looking at me judging, my clothes may have felt tight, but the so-called bump I thought I was sporting looked more like a burrito I had for lunch, than a baby brewing. I realize now, that I wanted the bump to tell the world how excited I was to be pregnant, how excited I was to be starting a family. I wanted the bump to mean that the baby was growing, healthy and strong. I wanted the bump to mean that I didn’t have to worry about all the things that can happen to dampen this amazing experience. I wanted the bump because, I want this baby boy and because having it means getting closer to holding him in my arms.
Now I’m just getting mushy, my hormones making me an emotional mess… I’ve been crying more lately, and I’m kind of a cry-er, but this is sorta getting ridiculous. I will leave you with this, on body consciousness, and something I am finding a bit disturbing lately, pregnant women who say that they can’t wait to see their feet again, actually mean (when looking down there) that they can’t wait to see their vagina again. Because, if we’re being perfectly honest, we can lean over and see our feet, vagina, not so much. It’s not really one of those things I ever thought that I looked at, and maybe I don’t, but you don’t know how much you miss it until it’s gone! And for the next 10 weeks, HOLY MOLY, it’s GONE!